child. I had made sure my phone was switched off and in fact I had anxiety at the thought of just switching it on again.

To my surprise there were no missed calls. No voice messages in fact there was nothing when I eventually did switch my phone on again.

Just pure silence.

Some people might have felt ok with that; I wasn’t one of them!

I felt this overwhelming feeling of loss, a sudden depth of fear, anxiety, and agitation of not being communicated with. I also knew it was a form of punishment aimed at me.

For days and days, I was on tender hooks. But eventually I was able to close my eyes and go into a deep sleep. It had been a very long time since I was able to sleep like that.