I headed back to work broken and shattered in pieces. Some mornings I just woke up with this wailing pain in the depths of my heart and soul; this vast dark emptiness consumed me. A deep pain kept overtaking my mind, heart and soul and it wouldn’t rest.

I overplayed every scenario in our relationship over and over again, tormenting myself.

When had it started to go wrong? Why hadn’t I seen the signs that we were headed for trouble? Why hadn’t I seen him using me from the very start? I kept hurtling more abuse at myself and being mad at myself rather than looking what had happened to me.

I kept putting myself through this deep immense pain, purging myself, tormenting myself and placing all blame on my shoulders. I tried to unleash the immense pain and suffering I felt but it wouldn’t